Stephen Cornell

It's okay to ask for help

Friday 25th Apr 2025

I had a friend back in the Marines. His name was Brandon James Moore. He was a fellow Armorer like the rest of us. One of the best things about the military is that it introduces you to people from all kinds of places, that you would probably never meet otherwise. He was from Yonkers, but he liked the same anime I did, played video games. It's so great because you see, your co-workers aren't just people you work with. They're your family. You work together, but you also live together. You eat together. You drink together. You mentor each other through life. You develop a bond rarely found outside of that environment. You spend nearly 24 hours a day with a group of the best friends you'll ever make in your entire life. But it has a price, because it usually doesn't last forever. The military brings you together, but once your enlistment is up, everyone pretty much goes right back to where we came from. I and one other went back to Texas, and got a contracting job overseas. A couple of us went to New Jersey. A couple more to North Carolina. Etc, etc. Thankfully, the internet exists, so staying in touch wasn't super difficult, but often times it just wasn't enough.

It's important to note that Brandon was not a combat veteran. I am not saying that to disparage his service; he actually served quite honorably, in fact. He was a hard worker, never got in trouble. Yet, he still struggled with depression after leaving. Many of us do, or did. Veterans are still people at the end of the day, and we struggle with the same issues everyone else does. A lot of people like to just assume vets that struggle with mental health issues are always due to PTSD, but there is much more nuance to it. We still have to find a job, pay bills, and maybe even support a family afterward, with all of the struggles that those endeavors come with.

Brandon struggled to find a viable career after returning to the civilian world, and faced many of the challenges young men do. He slowly stopped responding to our group chat, or to any of us in general. My best friend Chris was the closest to him, and he tried to go see him while he was nearby visiting family, but never got a response. We all knew the signs, but all we could do was hope.

Finally, in 2022, Brandon James Moore took his own life.

You're always taught to suck it up. To never discuss your feelings. You're supposed to be an impervious pillar of determination. Men don't need to confide in anyone, because we are supposed to be strong. We're not supposed to show any weakness, fear, or sadness. Many of us have this beat into us from our training, our fathers, or a number of other sources.

Yet, as I grow older, I have learned that there is more to it that what we were initially told. Yes, it's important to keep your head up and your eyes focused on the task at hand, whether it be your current mission, or setting a good example for your children during a crisis so as not to worry them. However, that doesn't mean you have to bottle everything up. It's okay to seek counseling, confide in a spouse or a friend, especially those who are likely going through the same thing you are.

Real strength, is having the confidence to trust another human being with your biggest problems, especially if that trust was violated by someone else before. Even if they are not able to solve them, simply being heard does wonders for the soul. I feel like, in my experience, just knowing that someone else genuinely gives a shit about you is enough to keep you going. You are not a burden. Your loved ones are not better off without you. I promise you, everyone you were close to is going to miss you dearly. If you are struggling, please talk to someone. Anyone. I promise you, whatever you're going through isn't permanent. You can't possibly know what the future holds, and if you take matters into your own hands, all you're doing is sealing your fate. It's not worth it. If you just hold on, you can perservere. Is it guaranteed? No, of course not. Life is a battlefield, full of chances. Don't stop moving, keep pushing through and you just might make it.

 

Rest in Peace Moore, we miss you buddy.

I'm Riding for Men's Health in The Distinguished Gentleman's Ride

Friday 25th Apr 2025 On Sunday the 18th of May 2025, I'm riding in The Distinguished Gentleman's Ride with fellow men and women across the globe to raise funds and awareness for prostate cancer and men's mental health on behalf of Movember. Men die on average 6 years earlier than women and for largely preventable reasons. The number of men that are suffering is growing, and we need to do something about that. So, before I press my tweed and polish my boots, I'm asking you to join me in raising funds and awareness for these causes by donating what you can for this meaningful cause and to help the men we love, live happier and healthier lives.